Ask a Guy Who Just Rode A Bike 150 Miles

Posted on 2006-10-28 01:04:06

Dear Guy Who Just Rode A Bike 150 Miles,

I'm throwing a fairly expensive dinner party next month and I invited a number of couples. The problem is Sandy, who volunteers with us at the Red Cross. Everyone know's she's gay, but she won't admit it. Should I let her know she can bring her partner? Or just ignore the issue entirely?

Gender-Bent in Tuscaloosa

Dear Gender-Bent,

If you want to be fast, you've got to be careful how you handle those hills. I used to jump out of my saddle all gung-ho and stand the whole way up, sometimes rocking 20 or 30 degrees in the process. This may look cool, but it's very inefficient, and after 40 or 50 miles you'll be too tired to pull it off anyway. Learn to use the low gears until you're almost to the top, then if you want, stand up for that last burst over the crest. That way you'll be ready to upshift and get back up to speed sooner.

Dear Guy Who Just Rode A Bike 150 Miles,

My teenage son has started hanging around with a bunch of kids I don't like. One of them is always wearing leather jackets and carrying a crowbar. Is my son on drugs?

Concerned in Albuquerque

Dear Concerned,

If you want to survive a long ride you've got to find your own pace. Don't worry about keeping up with someone else. Remember the tortoise and the hare? Sure, my teammates are faster than me, but I don't dwell on it. I follow them the first ten miles or so and then I let 'em go. And don't you know that come mile 40 or 50, I catch 'em pulling out of a rest stop just as I'm pulling in, and I say "hey", just to let them know I'm not that far behind.

Dear Guy Who Just Rode A Bike 150 Miles,

My husband got laid off, and instead of looking for work, he just sits around watching TV. He says he wants to live off of unemployment as long as possible. I think he's just lazy. What should I do?

Proud in Poughkeepsi.

Dear Proud,

Haven't I been down this road before? These farm towns are all the same. How can these people live like this, surrounded by nothing but mile after mile of cornfields? There's not even a gas station or a restaurant or anything. But I can't think about this now. Must pedal. Can't slow down. Only 30 miles to go. Think about finish line. Do not think about sore ass and hands going numb. Think of liquid power gel feeding legs with energy. Legs like pistons moving up and down and up and down. Only 29 miles to go. Christ, my ass hurts.

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