Alice in Word ProcessingPosted on 2006-10-19 21:00:01
It was early Chrisitan morning and there was a big suprise for Alice under the tree! For there next to the toaster oven and the yogurt machine and the K-TEL's greatest hits was the very machine Alice had wanted all along, it was a brand new Word Processor.
Alice was very, very suprised and very happy to have received such a gift, because she was so sure it was everything she needed for college and work and all the writing jobs she had to be done. "Oh, what a joy it would be to write with my new Word Processor," Alice was fond of saying.
Alice wrote many things with her Word Processor that first month. Book reports that had her teachers jumping for the exit ramps. Job pplications that even a Colonel could love. Letters and correspondence to her long lost uncles (probably dead) who didn't even know they had landed men on the moon yet. Poetry to beat the band.
One day however Alice began to notice that someting weird was going on. When her teachers started giving her 'F' for eFFort and her job hopes turned into green berets, her long lost uncles rewrote her out of the Will (using typewriters to boot) and her poetry became yesterday's moldy onion dip in the 'fridge that your roommate wouldn't even touch. Alice began to get herself in order: for this is not the Twinight Zone none of this could be happening, it was just a machine after all a computer it couldn't have written those things without her knowing it. At least she didnt think it could but that's where poor Alice was wrong. If you let those machines do too much for you Alice had learned from watching too many black and white science fiction movies they'll take your life out from under you toot suite and there isn't a damn thing in the world you could've done to put a stop to it.
You can still see Alice today if only looking like a carbon copy of the bottom of somebody else's waste can. Her roommates think she is Joan Collins.