presents...

Parakeet Training Record

Train your parakeet the scientific way!

In the 60's, science had an answer for everything, and vinyl did much more than just supply you with the latest pop tunes. For a mere 98 cents, this 45rpm disc from Hartz Mountain claimed to be able to teach your parakeet to talk using a "scientific new method". The idea, it would seem, was to place your bird near the record player while a "carefully trained voice" recited over and over again a series of banal phrases. "Hello, baby", says the voice. "Hello, baby".

Whether this worked or not is anyone's guess (put me down for No), but judging from the wear on this particular disc, it would appear that somebody gave it a shot. It's actually hard to imagine how much easier using this record might have been compared to the "old fashioned" method it replaced. Considering that each side of the thing is only about 3 minutes long, a dedicated parakeet owner would have had to do an awful lot of record-flipping to generate any appreciable amount of listening time. Weigh that against the disadvantage to having your parakeet learn only those phrases carefully selected by the Hartz Mountain engineers, and -- wait, I keep forgetting. This was the 60's, and these are consumers we're talking about.

It's too bad that the parakeet training concept seems to have been a passing phenomenon. With today's multi-gigabyte MP3 players able to hold hours of sound, it might actually have a chance. Hello, baaaaaby...

Parakeet Training Record
(click picture to magnify)
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Songs:

Introduction/Hello, Baby! (Real Audio) Teaching your parakeet to talk is fun! But the old method took too much time!
Good Morning (Real Audio) Good morning. Wanna eat? Good morning. Wanna eat!
Real Parakeet (Real Audio) If you ask me, the "real parakeet" sounds suspiciously like the announcer holding a handkerchief over his mouth.



Your Comments:

alex (alex@cashette.com) says:
this method sucks. it doesn't even work. my bird is still dumb and boring as a rock. (07-21-2004)

Kate Kotnerr (KFKotner@aol.com) says:
I love this record! Fabulous!!! I'm so glad you had it on line!!Thanks. (07-15-2004)

Kate Kotnerr (KFKotner@aol.com) says:
I love this record! Fabulous!!! I'm so glad you had it on line!!Thanks. (07-15-2004)

Kate Kotnerr (KFKotner@aol.com) says:
I love this record! Fabulous!!! I'm so glad you had it on line!!Thanks. (07-15-2004)

F. Larosa says:
Thanks for your kind suggestion, Pereza.

You are suggesting, however, that we contradict the Constitution of the United States by supressing Freedom Of Speech?

I think not.

We will continue to monitor Peanut Head. (07-14-2004)

Pereza says:
May I make a suggestion? Please don't allow messages to post automatically! Please filter your comments, as two idiots have apparently gone too far. This is a nice site and shouldn't be degraded by those 2 fools. (07-14-2004)

Peanut Head says:
He iss da BOMB, James!!!...JAMMY OSNMINTD is kook an everytime I lissen ta his CDs I git a big boner.

Always gud ta play onna boombox while having nekkid parties and smokes an liqour.

Didja eat yer birds an git a broad yet?? Ya should, JAMES...cuz ya sound like a kool guys BUT GET RID O' DEM BIRDS AN GET A WOMAN!!!

Bye... (07-14-2004)

james says:
Peanut Head why dose every thing you say involve JAMMY OSMINDT? (07-14-2004)

Peanut Head says:
James...I leave ya TWO messages last time cuz I see you iss fukkin stoopid an nead ta read it a couple o' times.....

Bye.... (07-13-2004)

Peanut Head says:
Oh great...anudder dikhed....dis one named "James"....so stoopid dat he hasta leave 3 fukkin' messages cuz he not sure how ta use da compooter...

You da same idiot tryin' ta get yer birds ta shit on yer finger??....an you need sumbuddy ta help ya wid dat??....put a big "L" on yer fourhed dere, James...cuz I tink ya better get a broad an leave doze birds alone...

Here is whatcha do James...buy some JAMMY OSMINDT CDs....he iss DA bOMB, JAMES!....den, git dat broad over fer smokes an liquor an have a nekkid party.....never mind dem stoopid birds...put em on da rotisserie fer dinner tomorrow....get laid NOW JAMES....oops...my mommy is calling me....I haveta go...bye... (07-13-2004)

Peanut Head says:
Oh great...anudder dikhed....dis one named "James"....so stoopid dat he hasta leave 3 fukkin' messages cuz he not sure how ta use da compooter...

You da same idiot tryin' ta get yer birds ta shit on yer finger??....an you need sumbuddy ta help ya wid dat??....put a big "L" on yer fourhed dere, James...cuz I tink ya better get a broad an leave doze birds alone...

Here is whatcha do James...buy some JAMMY OSMINDT CDs....he iss DA bOMB, JAMES!....den, git dat broad over fer smokes an liquor an have a nekkid party.....never mind dem stoopid birds...put em on da rotisserie fer dinner tomorrow....get laid NOW JAMES....oops...my mommy is calling me....I haveta go...bye... (07-13-2004)

james says:
Heay Peanut Head why dont you go fuck your slfe (07-13-2004)

james says:
Heay Peanut Head why dont you go fuck your slfe (07-13-2004)

james says:
Heay Peanut Head why dont you go fuck your slfe (07-13-2004)

Peanut Head says:
ya know, "Vikki"....I tink dat you really ARE a PAIROKLEET....cuz ya cannot type worth a SHIT dere....

again...why doncha play da JAMMY OSMUNCDT CDs fer da birds...DEN dey gonna luv ya fer playin' dat SMOOOOTH moozic for dem....

cuz odder wise, yoo is not TOO BRIGHT dere, vikki....cum over to my house fer smokes, liqour an JAMMY onna boom box dere.

Nekkid party an....oops...what's that Mommy?...(I gotta go now...bye)..... (07-12-2004)

vikki (brdchristmas@netscape.net) says:
i think the method and teeching your parakeet to talk is stupid. You should be able and leting your bird chirp natruley. (07-12-2004)

james says:
I have 2 parakeets I have trand one of them to get on my finger but the other one wont get on my finger shes to scard what shuld I do? (07-12-2004)

Peanut Head says:
Hey Omae?....dat flaky shit on yer bird means only one ting....DAT FUKKIN BIRD IS DED....either throw it inna garbage or put on a rotisserie an eat it!!

Again...dis is da FRANK LAPROSA VINYL MUZEEUM...NOT stupid pairofkeets website...ya stupdid ass like da rest o' dem!!...

Here's a tip...buy a bird an name it JAMMY OSMINDT...buy da JAMMY CD an play songs fer it an it will sing dem back and you will get a boner...(OMAE is a guy, right?)...

Den..take da bird to yer nekkid parties an let it start.....oops...what's that mommy?....(I haveta go....bye)... (07-11-2004)

Omae O Kurosu says:
Hey, I really wanna know something, I just got a new parakeet, and her feet are really big and her nose has a really dry beak, and it's like there's dead flaky skin next to the beak...and her nose is really flaky.....is it a disease or just dealing with her age, since we think she's older than our bird we had before her.....I mean, she's shaky when she sits on thin things and the works like she's an old bird....plus she gets PO every time I say 'ole gurl' (07-09-2004)

Peanut Head says:
Rent a parakite fer a few days....DEN...when ya git da bird home...YELL at it fer a few days..

Shit like: "Hullo dere, fukhed!" an "Who do I haveta pay round here da wipe my ass??"

Do dis fer a few days...Den take da bird back an say you not happy wid da stupid bird cuz it just shits an says nuttin'.

Go sit in da mall an wait till da bird start screamin' what you teached it...a good laugh...better if ya teach it ta sing sum JAMMY OSMINTDS songs...DAT wud be da BOMB!!!

Old bags gonna walk past da store an dat bird screaming "Hullo dere."....oops...wazzat Mommy?...I haveta go...bye (07-09-2004)






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