presents...

Parakeet Training Record

Train your parakeet the scientific way!

In the 60's, science had an answer for everything, and vinyl did much more than just supply you with the latest pop tunes. For a mere 98 cents, this 45rpm disc from Hartz Mountain claimed to be able to teach your parakeet to talk using a "scientific new method". The idea, it would seem, was to place your bird near the record player while a "carefully trained voice" recited over and over again a series of banal phrases. "Hello, baby", says the voice. "Hello, baby".

Whether this worked or not is anyone's guess (put me down for No), but judging from the wear on this particular disc, it would appear that somebody gave it a shot. It's actually hard to imagine how much easier using this record might have been compared to the "old fashioned" method it replaced. Considering that each side of the thing is only about 3 minutes long, a dedicated parakeet owner would have had to do an awful lot of record-flipping to generate any appreciable amount of listening time. Weigh that against the disadvantage to having your parakeet learn only those phrases carefully selected by the Hartz Mountain engineers, and -- wait, I keep forgetting. This was the 60's, and these are consumers we're talking about.

It's too bad that the parakeet training concept seems to have been a passing phenomenon. With today's multi-gigabyte MP3 players able to hold hours of sound, it might actually have a chance. Hello, baaaaaby...

Parakeet Training Record
(click picture to magnify)
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Songs:

Introduction/Hello, Baby! (Real Audio) Teaching your parakeet to talk is fun! But the old method took too much time!
Good Morning (Real Audio) Good morning. Wanna eat? Good morning. Wanna eat!
Real Parakeet (Real Audio) If you ask me, the "real parakeet" sounds suspiciously like the announcer holding a handkerchief over his mouth.



Your Comments:

Snoop Doggy Dogg says:
Yo wazup fool. Shizzle my nizzle. Man Tiger you need to "LAY LOW" (get it?!) YOu be actin all crazy and stuff with them birds of yours fool. You be actin all mean to them. FO shizzle fool. You need to listen to me and the rest of my fellow animal rights brothas. You no longer be tight with me no more so dont be comn all up to my house wantin pleasures from my wife fool. I aint gonna sell her no more. Peace out fool


Fo shizzle. (04-03-2003)

Tiger Woods says:
Ok all of you fruits need to shut the hell up. Do you realize that i am tiger woods and if you continue this insulting i will track you down. Yea thats right I will make you wish you never paid for your internet because you will suffer worse than my birds you hear me. I said do you hear me. So you think I might be a little mean to animals and when I'm not tripped out on acid I realize that it might be a bit rude but since they're dead It no longer matters. Hey listen Birdlover, go to hell ok. I buy the birds with my own money so that means they are mine. I own them. They are my property. They are my belongings. Just like I throw around golf balls I can throw around birds at will. And listen Mr. I hate Tiger Woods... SHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!!
THESE BIRDS ARE MINE!!!!MINE!!!!MINE!!!AND!!!!I!!!!CAN!!!!!!!DO!!!!!!!ANTHING!!!!!I!WANT!!!!WITH!!!!!THEM!!!!!I CAN TORTURE THEM!!!!!I CAN LOVE THEM!!!ICAN FRY THEM!!!!!I CAN LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!I CAN EAT THEM!!!!!!! I CAN LOVE THEM!!!!!!I CAN SKIN THEM ALIVE UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT A BIRDE THAT WISHES IT WERE DEAD!!!!!I CAN LOVE THEM!!!!!!!! EXCEPT I ENJOY TOTURING THEM MORE SO SCREW OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (04-03-2003)

i hate tiger woods says:
I HATE U TIGER WOODS!!! I can't beleive what u hav done to those poor birds you should be fuckin skinned alive!!HUH!! I WANNA HURT YOU SOOOOO BAD!! (04-01-2003)

birdlover says:
I tiger I tiger I tiger I toger I toger I toger I toger he lies and hes a jerk and loser and nerd and freak and hes and retarded and christians are better thann you because you probably don't believe in God and I do and God won't tolerate crude rude mean stupid retarded loserish mental freakish disturbed and VERY ty stuff. Sorry if I cussed it was for an important cause I meen it. LOSER tiger woods who doesn't know his left from his right and is a jackass. sorry. and I you tiger woods and i hope you read my messages because you are just gonna have to come on over to goshen indiana cr 40 house with the black mailbox and ask for rachel hollinger-janzen and tell me to suck my ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANd I hope your day kills you and you die before you reaach my house!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha I you you freak and you think anybody believes the crap he makes up?????????? WEll I DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT and DDDDDOOOOOOONNNNNNTTTTTTTTTT believe you and HOPE YOU GO TO HHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLL HELL HELL AND YOU GET D BUT DON'T DIE AND i BET NO ONE LIKES YOU BECAUSE i LOVEE ALL ANIMALS AND I WILL DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO KEEP THEIR RIGHTS AND PROTECT THEM UNLIKE THE LOSER WHO DOESN'T BELONG ONT THIS PLANET THAT THINKS HE'S SO HOT AND COOL BUT IS A JERK AND LOSER AND i HIMMM ANY1 AGREE WITH ME????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (03-31-2003)

birdlover says:
Idiot tiger woods. probably thinks he's so cool when he plays golf but he sucks at it and is a loser and I hope he dies in a cage and his parakeets attack and kill him. And his poor african grey babies which will him to by burning him and almost drowning him and sticking his head in a toilet that is full of poop from a drunk stranger. And I also realize that he is a big fat freakshow liar because he always says he has differnt number of parkaeets and so he is stupid and a loser and liar and I want to kill him and stalk him frist then kill him slowly and I hope your scared tiger because if the real tiger woods hears what you did you won't even be on the face of the planet making a fool and loser of yourself. I bet you don't even go to school or have a job and probably hack and cyber so don't think your all cool because you stinnnnk. p.u. (03-31-2003)

birdlover says:
tiger woods is so stupid and I hp[e he goes tp hell which he probably will. And I don't know why he has to poor birds like that and I doubt he even does that but he is just trying ot mmake us feel badd. SO tiger woods shutup and get off this site!!!!!!!!!!!! (03-31-2003)

George says:
Are you serious about what you said? (03-31-2003)

anees (ali_mrjazz@yahoo.com) says:
its a good site i just wanna know that how much lavels requird in to record audio in cake walk i got cakewalk 9 pro& sonar ver 1.0 iwant to record guitars solo iwant to rec paino wave and wanna arrange please help me to do so and i wanted to know how much db is requirde for a audio reord on cakewalk also please send me link sites for more learning iam recordist and audio eng in mrjazz studios but in learning prosess my first priraty to make me a good recordist please help me out for these thing as i said above
thanks for your kindnees
anees ali (03-26-2003)

Tiger Woods says:
Listen Teddy Pizza Face

SHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (03-25-2003)

Teddy PizzaCakes (Datahead2@aol.com) says:
Your parakeet page is complete trash. I am sick of the fact that your information is shoddy at best, and your jokes are unffunny and uncooth. You should do some research and possibley get a brain transplant, kiddo. (03-24-2003)

Master P says:


p

p

Yo wuz up parakeets be cool Fool. (03-19-2003)

Snoop Doggy Dogg says:
Shizzle my nizzle. Whats up fool. Im world famouse gangsta rapper snoop dogge dogg fool. Man that fool Tiger Woods be sick to what he be doin to them birds of his. Man that fool is more sick than a bum dancin naked to my g thing song.Fo shizzle fool. That fool Tiger Woods is probably a bigger crack head then me fool. Peace out.

Fo Shizzle (03-19-2003)

Tiger Woods says:
Hey listen lady, who do you think you are to come on the internet and insult me like that. Do you realize that I have eight majors and numerous amount of regular tournaments. I work hard, I'm constantly travaling around the world and face racial slurs everyday. So im sorry if I cant have a little fun every now and then ok. And what I said is nothing compared to what else I do to birds. Let me tell you what else I do with birds for entertainment. I like to open a can of beans and pour them all over the 100 parakeets and two african grey babies I have jammed inside my 5x8 cage. And what I do with the can is I get three of the parakeets and stick them inside the can of beans then I put duct tape on the top. Then I throw the can around my house, I then tie the can to the end of a driver and hit balls with it. What I also do is tie up a whole bunch of parakeets in duct tape (not together although I have done that before) and jam either there heads or feet into the ground and then I hit them with a 9 iron like I hit regular balls. It's very fun but I think it might be painful to them. Oh well they die soon enough any ways. Also one time I got really crazy and duct taped one of my macaws I used to own to a frying pan and well guess from there, I fried it. Talk about fried chicken, really it didnt taste much different then the 10 peices for 3.99 deal at KFC. But what I did after about 30 minutes of me frying it, when I realized it was still alive I decided that what I was doing was a bit rude so to put the bird out of its misery I dug a three foot hole in my back yard and threw it in alive. So then I forgot about it but about a month later when I remembered I went back to the hole to pay my respects but it turned out the poor thing was still alive. So then I pulled it out and laughed so hard so then I put it back in my 5X8 cage, at the time I only had about 60 parakeets in it. But over the next week and a half the parakeets started to nibble it and they eventually nibbled him to death. As a way to respect that Scarlet Macaw which I did love dearly and still do I left the dead body in there, it's nothing but bones now but it will never leave the place it was the happiest. So you see I love my 100 parakeets and two african grey babies I have jammed inside my 5X8 cage. (03-19-2003)

Susy Jackson says:
Listen Mr. Woods you are sick. I can not believe what I just read and my husband is throwing up in his bathroom. You have no heart and you are a horrible person. Gee I can not believe someone not only would think of something like that but actually do it. Mr. Woods just because you think your such a good golfer (which your not) you think you have the right to do these horrible things to those birds. But listen Mr. My first win was the masters, what comes around goes around. (03-19-2003)

Tiger Woods says:
Hello there, im Tiger Woods. Do you like golf? I like golf. Did you know that my first P.G.A win was the Masters tournament. Yea, I guess I showed all you white supremest a little something. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! But thats not what I wanted to say. I love birds, especially parakeets. I have about 60 of them in a little 5x8 cage and it's pretty crowded in there and theres no room for them to fly. Many of them die but I just leave them in there because dead parakeets are what me beloved companians eat. Actually I eat them too. I rip off there wings and then I watch as they stuggle in pain and I laugh. I also bring my friends over on Sundays and we gamble on parakeet fights. It's funny and a great way to pass time and I do it more than ever before. Now in that cage I have 80 parakeets and two african grey babies. They only last about an average of two weeks. Thank you Bye (03-19-2003)

Milke says:
Oh my, I actually own this record. For some reason, buying a 45 with a bird on the label seemed like a good idea at the time. Apparently there's an eight-track version, too, which has got to be worse, 'cause it loops. (03-19-2003)

ghkdfjg says:
suck my dick today for free and call
1-800-collect (03-19-2003)

dfshfjgjfg says:
U ssssssssucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk (03-19-2003)

Mystery Gaurdian says:
You should be ashamed. Have you no decency and I know you have no sympathy.Your voulgar disgusting minds took over your actions this is to "droopy drawers", and especially "DA" and "Dave."I agree with "I love all animals." Killing your bird Puh! How pathetic. I would love to put you in a cage with a snake 30x's as big as you. You are a sick disturbed person. GET HELP!!!! From, an animal lover. (03-18-2003)

mick (roscoe109@iamlost.net) says:
I have this record, and enjoy playing it at 33 and a 1/3. Demonic. (03-12-2003)






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