presents...

Mrs. Miller's Greatest Hits

Oh, the humanity!

I've spent a lot of time contemplating the mystery of Mrs. Elva Miller from Claremont, California. I have to conclude that her recording career is one of the cruelest practical jokes ever devised by the record industry.

For the most part, the flubs on Frank's Vinyl Museum are the result of serious artists and serious record producers badly missing the mark. Mrs. Miller's album is definitely over the top, but I get the very sinister feeling from the liner notes that while Miller herself may have been completely serious about what she was doing, whoever coaxed her to make this album was laughing on the inside, and probably egging her on to be even more extreme. The sarcasm is very subtle, just enough to give the wink to record collectors like us while keeping poor Mrs. Miller in the dark. References to her "impeccible diction" and "scintillating delivery" abound, as well as the accolade "one of the most interesting voices extant... one that brings to mind the tonal qualities of a Florence Foster Jenkins or a Mrs. B. J. Fangman". Jane Morgan's Fresh Flavor LP, featured elsewhere on this site, contains similar sentiments, but at least she can lay claim to some prior recording history.

I almost feel bad for exploiting Mrs. Miller this way, but once you listen to her songs, you'll know why her fans can't resist her. Enjoy!

Mrs. Miller's Greatest Hits
(click picture to magnify)
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Songs:

Downtown (MP3) Brace yourself for the best rendition of 'Downtown' ever!
A Hard Day's Night (MP3) Beatle butchering at its very best.

See Also: Fresh Flavor

Your Comments:

doctordistorto (jones9888@bellsouth.net) says:
12 years ago I played in a sort of punk band
with a burly transexual..not just a cross dresser
mind you but the whole program..who had an unnerving ability to lapse into Mrs. Millerland
vocally. One time while being filmed we played one
tune{?} while the "singer" sang lyrics to another.
Truth is always stranger than fiction. Mrs. Miller can brighten the darkest day. (05-02-2004)

Peanut Head says:
Hey Mike:

Don know where YOU from, but where I from I know what "Cranking Da Tunes" means....

Issit hard ta drive yer car while yer crankin' da "TOONS"?? I figur ya haveta have ONE hand onna wheel while yer crankin' away dere...

An why waste yer time wid dat Big Bush when ya should be lissenen ta JIMMY OSMINDT?...he DA BOMB...AS WE SAY IN THE U.S.....

Mike, ya need ta come over ta my house...bring some booze an smokes...I put on da Jimmy OSMINDT...we git nekkid den we....oops...my Mommy is calling...I haveta go....bye... (05-01-2004)

Mike (mmurphy@flashlogistics.com) says:
Hey there Zach. I did'nt get a chance to e-mail you yesterday(Friday) from work to thank you. I was actually, as we say in the U.S., "cranking the tunes" in my car on the way to work Friday. Then I brought it into the office for my co-workers to hear. Also listened to Big Brush. Equally horrific, but in a different way. Brutal! I'll send you an e-mail Monday. Thanks again! (05-01-2004)

Peanut Head (peehed@yahoo.whatever) says:
hey Chris...bring dat ol' Florida hard-on over ta my place and we can spin some of dis ol' bitch's tunes....she pretty cool..not da Bomb like Jimmy Osmunt or anyting like dat...

I remember when she was on da Ed Sullyvan show...dat Ed had such a boner dat he tol da director, "NO SIDE-ON SHOTS, OK" cuz odderwise his big boner would be showin'....

Mrs. Miller seen his bone and starts singin' dat DOWNTOWN song but was sayin' "DOWN DOWN" when she see his big dik dere...

Okay den, Chris...bring dat Tallahasee Timber over ta my place fer a party...here is were I live:

Mr. P. Nut Head
2342 Floridabonerbig
Bumfuck, Arkansas
EIEIO

Bring some liquor an smokes...we can get nekkid an...oops...my MOMMY is calling me...I have ta run...bye.... (04-29-2004)

Chris (www.okratron5000.com) says:
I have a hard-on the size of Florida. (04-28-2004)

Randy W. (randynat@earthlink.net) says:
Oh, man- I love to discover stuff like this! Mrs. Miller is in that great Shaggs tradition...it may not be, um, uh, technically oustanding, but it's from the HEART! The Real Deal, a nightingale! Her vibrato will beckon me to purity on those crappy nights on the road.... (04-28-2004)

Miles Long (mlong@hotmaitl.com) says:
Ahhh... music to my rear. (04-22-2004)

minsche says:
Breathtakingly appalling! I donīt know if everybody got to the point where she starts whistling in "Downtown"?...if you havenīt and
you thought, well, she canīt possibly get worse than this then think again! Great laugh! (04-21-2004)

Mike (mmurphy@flashlogistics.com) says:
This is the worst thing I've ever heard! Where can I get it? Someone help! I have to have her Greatest Hits. (04-20-2004)

Tom Tuerff (ttuerff@aol.com) says:
Oh God, make it stop...I'm laughing so hard I may wet myself...

I remember Mrs. Miller from the 60s and I hadn't bothered to think about her again until I came to this site. Thanks, Frank, for preserving stuff like this. Your site is great! (04-20-2004)

Zach R (Manchester UK) (zach@orange.net) says:
Mrs Miller, I am glad,
that you are there for me,
when I'm sad.

To hear you bravely butcher a song,
You always make me sing along.

Mrs Miller, I don't want to be rude,
But I would kill to see you in the nude
Please sing to me your "Greatest Hits"
While I rub goosefat on your tits.

I'll do you baby, don't put up a fight,
I will give you "A HARD Days Night"

With my desires, I want to fill her
I wish to God, I was MR MILLER.

(04-19-2004)

Lisa (elenem72@hotmail.com) says:
Now whenever I'm feeling down, I know I can always listen to Mrs. Miller's melodious voice and hip tunes and instantly cheer up! I haven't had tears come from my eyes from laughing so hard in a long time! :-D

I think this is golden and intend on purchasing this! If anyone knows of more albums such as this, please let me know!

Thanks, Lisa (04-16-2004)

James Budkeiwicz (james@polishpilgrim.com) says:
I've shagged her ... twice.
Once in Telford, which a small settlement in between Wolverhampton and Shrewsbury. And the other time at a Neil Sedaka concert in the Basingstoke Anvil in 1994.
She was shit! (04-14-2004)

Fred Lispschiftz (soundguy@chartermi.net) says:
I forgot to mention Jonathan and Darlene Edwards (Jo Stafford and Paul Weston) are in the ANALS of this genre. It's fun playing this music at parties, while pretending not to notice... somebody eventually yells, "GAWD, what's That"? Try it sometime... breaks the ice too, if necessary. (04-13-2004)

John 'The Hammer' Swindell says:
A true talent.
I first saw Mrs Miller in Wyoming - the firework capital of America in 1982 when she supported the then unknown - Pet Shop Boys.
Mr Miller, her husband, was the drummer and played using only a pair of old tins. He would play them all day and all night for 14 years, until Mrs Miller stabbed in in the throat in 1988. (04-13-2004)

Scot O'Dell Indianapolis (odellscot@aol.com) says:
Mrs. Miller truly is one of 'The Cool Ones' (04-12-2004)

DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:
Downtown sucks big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (04-11-2004)

George (RebekahLady2004@aol.com) says:
Believe it or not, I have her Album, Greatest Hits. My mom bought it and my brother and I played it and jumped around clowning to it all the time. (04-10-2004)

Fred Lispschiftz (soundguy@chartermi.net) says:
Hi- Mrs. Miller is an institution! I/my family thouroughly enjoyed seeing her on the Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday nights. I'm glad for those who remember her! (04-10-2004)

T. GASTIN says:
This is wonderful! Maybe we need to think about simple sounds like this, instead of the junk we get on the radio now! (04-09-2004)






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